[female robot voice] Attention. This cycle begins the inaugural season of The Pit Dreadball League. Your sponsor has been invited to compete. Process them by 07.3016. Squads compete for glory and entertainment. All entry fees have been waived but sponsorship must be registered. Unsigned clubs or squads out of uniform will be cremated on the premises. Have a nice day.[/female robot voice]

The following plays as your squad’s ship is approaching the asteroid and the players stare down into the mammoth pit below, an endless maw carved into the center of the rock.  Their attention is then turned to the mining facility where they survey the Dreadball Arena through large skylight windows.

PDL S.01 Rules


Squad League Points Team Ranking Strike Difference Rising Star Azure Jungle Matches
ArdCorp Miners 6 112 +6 1
Team Banzai Kozaniacs 6 139 +2 Roku (J) R3
Kleptonex Labs Zeeroes 5 103 +1 1
Rokskilde Rockhounds 5 101 – 1 3
Azog Prosthetics Flesheaters 4 127 -1 1
TCRI Green Machine 4 130 -6 2


Match Teams Teams Teams
1 Kozaniacs v Rockhounds Flesheaters v Miners Green Machine v Zeeroes
2 Green Machine v Kozaniacs Zeeroes v Flesheaters Miners v Rockhounds
3 Miners v Green Machine Kozaniacs v Zeeroes Flesheaters v Rockhounds
4 Zeeroes v Miners Rockhounds v Green Machine Kozaniacs v Flesheaters
5 Rockhounds v Zeeroes Green Machine v Flesheaters Miners v Kozaniacs
6 ??  ??  ??



Early Season

“Coach Steele, The Miners looked out of sync on the Azure Jungle grid. They appeared to be manhandled by the Rockhounds. What adjustments were made that contributed to your victory? What is the status of your striker core?”

Simon Steele (Miners) – “After getting all but one player taken off the field in the first three rushes, the team was badly shaken. Luckily, jack James Harwood refused to be shaken and threw the mother of all slams and managed to kill a Rockhound. This miraculous play in the depths of despair was enough to rally the rest of the team. The guards charged out of the reserves box to tangle up the entire clustered Rockhounds team while the strikers, one after the other, managed to sprint downfield and score two single point shots. Those were enough to give us the win.”


“There has been some controversy with the Rockhounds heading into the season as they had apparently been training with ‘Jack Boots’ in the pre-season. What are these boots and how has their exclusion in the PDL effected your team?”

Rockhounds Staff – “The Rockhounds will persevere without the aid of the Jack Boots that the Forge Father have generously made available to all Dreadball teams*. Even though the team practiced with them and planned to use them, the dirty bastards in the commissioners office thought it might make the Rockhounds too good, so we will win without them. And said dirty bastards will be dealt with swiftly and separately to address the matter to our satisfaction”

*Note – The PDL has no record of a contract with the Forge Fathers over boots or any other game grid apparel. One can only assume Rockhound staff is operating under the influence of rockmeade.”


“Master Thorn, what do you make of The Pit’s pizza and can you explain to viewers the art of the ‘Cowabunga’?”

Master Thorn (Green Machine) – “The Pit’s pizza is a decent. I like it because its cheap and can feed all of my players. The art of the Cowabunga is a radical teleport and smash or teleport and score method that is hard to counter which is why it is so effective”.


“Coach Dazog, over here, The Fleshaeaters were an early favorite coming out of the pre-season. How do you explain the loss to the Zeeroes and how does the team bounce back from here in preparation for their match with the Rockhounds?”

Dazog the Unblinking (Flesheaters) – “The loss to the Zeeroes was unacceptable.  In my fury I whipped my players and castrated their first born sons.  They will be ready for the Rockhounds, don’t you worry.  In fact, I pity the Rockhounds, as they will receive a pounding that they have never imagined.”


“Team Banzai, after the destruction of the grizzled Rockhounds’ roster, there are many that feel the Variable Purpose Automatons (VPAs) of the Kozaniacs are in fact programmed for combat roles. Can you address this concern?”

Rick Garrity and Sonny Taniyama (Kozaniacs) – “True, the VPAs are re-purposed combat mechs. But they have been decommissioned, and all militarized, nano-tech AI has been completely purged with 99% certainty.”


“Hue, the Zeeroes are usually seen as a gimmie match. What has lead to their success at the top of the table and do you fear they can only go down from here?”

“Steel Horse” Hue (Zeeroes) – “If you doubt our ability to lead this league, you haven’t been paying attention. The refbots the PDL has deployed can’t keep up with our high speed offense. What are they using here…MKII models? Nor is any team in this league prepared to match wits with a true star of the grid. Everyone knows not to bet against Steel Horse when the season is on the line. After all, the Zeeroes contain some of the most durable DNA in this sector…mine!”